Hmm...You know. I've been reading a few things and speaking to a wonderful young woman that I call friend. She is such a bright star, who's life has stacked the odds against her. She suffers from EDS (ethlers-danlos-syndrome). She and I worked together to create a support group on DeviantArt for EDS and I have had the privileged to see her blossom, and her strength grow. This young girl has brought herself from the cold embrace of a wheel chair, to a hero walking under her own power.
Her fight against the disease, and the bias that comes along with having an "invisible illness" has not only reminded me of the things I'm grateful for, but inspired me in my own personal goals.
I have a few sayings I live by. One of my favorites is this. "The day I stop is the day I die." I can't count how many times in the past that I have wanted to give up. In the most painful moments I felt alone, helpless, weak, ....a burden. I panicked, with anxiety wanting to take over. It was far too easy to listen to that little voice that asked "why keep fighting? What's going to come of this? It's easy to give up. Why?...what's the point?..." etc.
I know why I keep moving forward.
It's not simple pride,
but I owe it to those I love. I owe it to myself. I've also come a long way from where I was, and I am very glad I refused to become bitter about my medical condition or the bias I received because of it. I have been ridiculed, threatened, told I was insane, manipulative, abused, emotionally abused,...and more over the years by various people. For a time I, once, believed that I deserved that treatment, but told myself I had to stay silent. It was my burden to bear.
Even today if I'm caught up in a flare/attack where the pain takes me over and my PTSD hitches a ride on the helpless feeling it is all to easy to listen to that destructive little voice. I feel embarrassed, and shamed that some one my age can't do what she is expected to. When the simple action of opening a door makes me grit my teeth in effort in the worst of times.....as well as the effort of hiding that internal fight from every one around me. When I can't hold back the tears, I want to hide in a corner, angry at my own weakness. When I can't finish a day at work my heart drops into my shoes and a terrible taste fills my mouth.
THAT is pride. It does a lot of stupid things to a person and it's in no way conducive to a healthy happy life. It's utterly selfish.
I can't fully change that part of myself, but I CAN, be thankful for those in my life who have shown not only compassion and love, but given me the push i needed when it matter the most.
My family has always been supportive, and told me honestly when I was being idiotic.....and pig headed.
My Boy Friend, who's love and compassion is a blessing I hope to never take for granted.....and will do my very best to never let happen.
My friends....the ones held close to me as a non blood family, have never been able to fully understand, but instead of pity, have given me the respect of empathy. (and a swift smack upside the head. Gibbs ftw.)
My boss, for giving me the opportunity of a job and having the compassion to understand my physical limitations. I will never forget her generosity, patients, and the faith she puts into me to do my job. She brings the best out of her employees.
Every day is a new opportunity to further myself, not just for my sake but for those who have given me of themselves. It's the least I can do for these people to live as well as I can, and give as much as realistically possible in order to have a brighter future.
Never stop. Never say die. Never go the easy, selfish route. Never take anything for granted.
I wouldn't be the person I am today with out these people, and the positive influence they have in my life. It's for them, and for the others I may happen by in the future, that I live my life.
Thank you every one. ♥ I love you, and am very grateful for the kindness and guidance you've given me through the years.
Like · · Unfollow Post · 9 minutes ago
Chivon Cutler **manipulated* NOT Manipulative lol. Damn auto correct
about a minute ago · Like
